the best thing about recovery is that your ED brain doesn’t always manifest itself in thoughts of restricting or purging or binging.

sometimes it rears its head and the irrational part of your brain is working hard to convince the rational part of your brain that you weren’t invited to your best friend’s hen do because you’d be too fat for the photos..

areyouredsquirrel:

Okay so here’s the deal:

I have this friend, let’s call her A. We went to nursery, primary, and secondary school together.

When we went to primary school, we met another friend. Let’s call her B. We were little more than acquaintances until we found out we were going to the same secondary school.

At secondary school we met C and D. Me and C clicked pretty instantly amd became best friends.

So then there’s A, B, C, D and me.

We weren’t particularly a ‘group’, but we’d spend a lot of time together, often with ther people.

Earlier this year, I got an invite to A’s wedding. I found out that B, C, and D would be the only people going that I knew.

Yesterday, I found out that B, C, and D were invited to the hen do and I wasn’t.

We were talking about the wedding that same day. Which means that not only did they all know I wasn’t invited, they all knew not to tell me. It also means that one of my closest friends didn’t invite me to her hen do, or, if it was organised by someone else or something, my closest friends didn’t think to tell them to invite me.

I feel like a complete fucking mug and people wonder why I have a hard time trusting people.

Loyalty is one of my best qualities. I would do anything for the people I care about and it makes my blood boil to think that other people aren’t the same.

And I don’t know whether to say anything to my best friend or to the others or what? I don’t want to be a shit but I feel pretty fucking let down.

TL;DR: I didn’t get invited to one of my closest friend’s hen party but all my other friends did and I feel like shit about it.

update: just seen more pictures from the party and definitely can’t stop crying.

sneak preview of this afternoon’s fun with the beautiful lilith-not-eve and helloohannah! :D

bubba <3

bubba <3

lilith-not-eve:

Cuties! areyouredsquirrel

WE CUTE.

Also love how unimpressed Bubs looks in the last one…

Okay so here’s the deal:

I have this friend, let’s call her A. We went to nursery, primary, and secondary school together.

When we went to primary school, we met another friend. Let’s call her B. We were little more than acquaintances until we found out we were going to the same secondary school.

At secondary school we met C and D. Me and C clicked pretty instantly amd became best friends.

So then there’s A, B, C, D and me.

We weren’t particularly a ‘group’, but we’d spend a lot of time together, often with ther people.

Earlier this year, I got an invite to A’s wedding. I found out that B, C, and D would be the only people going that I knew.

Yesterday, I found out that B, C, and D were invited to the hen do and I wasn’t.

We were talking about the wedding that same day. Which means that not only did they all know I wasn’t invited, they all knew not to tell me. It also means that one of my closest friends didn’t invite me to her hen do, or, if it was organised by someone else or something, my closest friends didn’t think to tell them to invite me.

I feel like a complete fucking mug and people wonder why I have a hard time trusting people.

Loyalty is one of my best qualities. I would do anything for the people I care about and it makes my blood boil to think that other people aren’t the same.

And I don’t know whether to say anything to my best friend or to the others or what? I don’t want to be a shit but I feel pretty fucking let down.

TL;DR: I didn’t get invited to one of my closest friend’s hen party but all my other friends did and I feel like shit about it.

will there ever be a time that i don’t feel consistently let down by my closest friends?

reviving-emily:

Fuck you anorexia.
This is the first real meal (yes I know it’s just Spaghettios, but I have done so bad this week so its a big deal) since I had my wisdom teeth taken out Monday. The ED voice has been full force and it’s been hell. Tonight I ignored that voice and I ate my Spaghettio’s.
I will try harder tomorrow. I will eat more than one good meal. I will up my intake because I deserve food, I deserve to live, and I deserve to be free from this illness.

reviving-emily:

Fuck you anorexia.

This is the first real meal (yes I know it’s just Spaghettios, but I have done so bad this week so its a big deal) since I had my wisdom teeth taken out Monday. The ED voice has been full force and it’s been hell. Tonight I ignored that voice and I ate my Spaghettio’s.

I will try harder tomorrow. I will eat more than one good meal. I will up my intake because I deserve food, I deserve to live, and I deserve to be free from this illness.

(via youvecattobekitten)